When It's Hard to Be Human

How to listen to your heart

“Is something burning?”

My dinner partner whom I had just met a couple of minutes ago started searching around the beautifully decorated table. I couldn’t smell what he was referring to but began looking as well, as did the woman to his left. What a disaster if something caught fire!

Then we saw it. In the gorgeous centerpiece that rose high above the table, the tall candles had quickly made their way down to the fresh flowers they were planted in, and one of the lilacs had started to turn brown.

Is it supposed to be like that? We wondered, but also couldn’t think that whoever put this magnificent event together didn’t have experience mixing candles and fresh flowers. Surely this shouldn’t be a big deal.

It was a strange moment when we all looked at each other, a bit immobilized and unsure of what to do. Do we act, or do we sit back?

“This is the irony of humankind,” I said. “We can see that something is obviously about to catch fire and yet, we just sit back and wait for someone else to tell us what to do.”

We laughed — humans! — but still went on to do just that. Maybe soon someone from the staff would circulate so we could tell them, and in the meantime, we decided to keep an eye on it while continuing to get to know the other guests.

We were seated for a gala dinner in celebration of the Anne Morgan Women of Courage Award in Manhattan’s Upper East Side. The event was just as extravagant as you would expect, filled with a room of highly-ranked people in gowns and tuxedos. When the opening speech had just begun, we started spotting small flames from the lilac. My fire alert party signaled it was go time, and I quickly stood up and blew out the candle.

However, we hadn’t seen the candle on the other side, and pieces of burning flowers soon began to sprinkle the plates below. Servants ran in to assist while the guests around our tables stood up to put out what could’ve turned into a disastrous scene. Soon enough, every table around the room was given the same treatment. It was quite a humorous scene.

My partner leaned in:

“You proved your point!”

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When it’s hard to be human

The truth is that it’s quite hard to be human today. I first learned this when I was taking some acting classes many years ago and our teacher asked us to rid the social conditioning. Tap into your true human side, she said, the side of you that witnesses someone on the subway platform in need of help and decides to walk up to assist.

Who are you behind all of society’s conditioning?

To be fully human is to be connected to your heart and to let it guide you. However, as we know too well, trusting that inner light can sometimes come into conflict with what we think is expected of us.

Is it really OK to, as a guest, begin interfering with the decorations? Is it really OK to go up against your boss? And can we who live so far away have anything to say about what’s right or wrong in a conflict between two other nations?

Yes, I went there, and although my recent reality at a fancy event in NYC has nothing to do with the horrific realities taking place in the Middle East, it made me reflect on our bigger roles as humans.

• When will we learn to trust our inner compass?

• When will we be courageous enough to spot what isn’t right and speak up?

• When will we forget about the social codes and simply do what we know deep inside needs to be done?

As a world, we’re facing a lot of unraveling uncertainty (news: sea levels will rise, so begin operation adaptation.) Climate change will continue to exasperate injustices while providing more and more unfolding disasters, with intensified conflicts as a result. It is not going to get easier, not anytime soon, and so the question we must find the audacity to ask ourselves is:

“What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to look beyond what ‘has been’ and what ‘should be,’ and simply see ‘what is’?”

We are reaching a time when trusting authorities to do the right thing is no longer enough, when accepting the status quo will not promise the best of tomorrow, and must we must begin to seriously question what we believe to be right. We must reconnect with our hearts and recognize that even though doing so might open up the gate to a lot of uncomfortable emotions - pain, guilt, shame, and fear - it’s the only thing that can bring promise for a better world.

Don’t think that you have to carry the burden of the world on your shoulders. It’s not what is being asked of you. However, don’t for a second believe you don't have the strength to carry it in your heart. Your shoulders will get tired, but your heart will not. It will only grow stronger, more resilient, and more capable of holding space for new change, possibilities, and love.

So dare to open up. Dare to question the conditioning. Dare to be the one who speaks up.

You might prevent a fire, or you might even end war. Let’s not underestimate what can be done when we reconnect with our hearts.