When I first became a climate optimist, I thought the answer was to seek out the good news and only pay attention to things that made me feel optimistic about the world. I thought that if I could only filter out all the negatives, I could continue wearing that smile I was given and make others feel hopeful as well. To be the sun in all the clouds, so to speak.
But what I’ve learned (the hard way) is that there’s no such thing as not knowing.
Because even if you’re trying hard to only focus on the positive, there’s a part of you that pays attention and your body remembers the pain.
So while you’re out there playing miss sunshine, your subconscious mind (the part of your consciousness that’s constantly working without your knowledge), will pick up all the other valuable information it thinks you ought to pay attention to and store it for a later day. And if you never give it any attention, it adds on, and adds on, and adds on…
That is what I kept doing for years and there were times when the bubble would burst — BIG time. When suddenly, without warning, I would lose it completely.
I remember this one time in the car with my husband when we were coming home from a Thanksgiving dinner in San Francisco. It was just the two of us that year so we had been to dinner at a restaurant in the Mission district, one of the “younger” parts of town, and were headed home to snug. Everything was great and we were looking forward to a quiet night in. But that was before the tears came… Because suddenly, I began crying so hard I had to slam my hands against the board in front of me. I wasn’t just sad — I was angry too!
My husband, shocked, asked what was going on. I didn’t know and couldn’t give him a good answer. The only thing I knew was that I was very upset with the world and for some reason, my body thought now was a good time to let it out. There was no way to hold it back.
Unsure of what to do, he circled the block a few more times before finally leaving me with the keys so I could stay behind and call a friend for support. Told me he’d be waiting for me with popcorn when I was ready. He’s a smart man, alright!
When the awareness comes crashing in
I didn’t understand it at the time but what was happening was denial coming back to bite me. Because what I know now, as I’m in my thirties and waaaaay wiser (winky face), is that you can’t choose not to know. That ignorance is not always bliss and that whatever you close your eyes to will find its way in one way or another. Most importantly of all — I know that real optimism can only grow from a place of resilience, hope, and awareness.
There’s an African proverb that I love, that goes:
You can’t awaken those who are pretending to sleep.
It makes me think of when I was little and my dad had to carry me in from the car after a late-night drive home, and I would do all in my power to pretend to sleep so I wouldn’t have to walk it on my own. It didn’t matter how much they slammed the car door or accidentally bumped my legs against the wall, there was nothing in the world that could wake me.
So I understand that proverb so well — you simply cannot make someone see what they don’t want to see! And it makes me think of all the ignorance and planted denial in the world and how it’s the seed of so much unnecessary suffering, how much this “chosen denial” is harming animals, people, and the planet.
But do we understand what this denial is doing to ourselves? What happens in our bodies when we choose not to know?
The short answer is - denial can hurt you!
If you’re absolutely oblivious to what’s going on in the world, then maybe you can live on your pink clouds and sip lemonade all day and be fine. But if you’re someone with at least some sort of foot on the ground (which I know you are since you’re reading this) you’re going to get burned. It’s like standing in a wildfire with your head towards the sky and say, “Look how beautifully orange the sky is”, and then be surprised when things suddenly get very hot.
What’s become clear to me now is that awareness hurts and that’s OK.
Because you know what? Our hearts can take it! You are much stronger than you think and by choosing to stay actively aware of what’s going on in the world around you, you are in control. I say actively aware because you will be aware regardless but with your eyes open instead of shut, you can take in that information in controlled, bite-sized pieces. You can practice staying aware while keeping your feet steady on the ground. And in that awareness, you can begin to take empowered action.
If you don’t do this, if you keep sleepwalking with a pink cloud around your head thinking that’s the only way to stay optimistic in this world, you’ll soon trip on something you can’t see and you will fall. I fell many times and it was never fun. I had tantrums in the car and cries in the shower and days when I felt so down I couldn’t find reasons to leave bed at all.
The thing is that you know. We all know! We know that the world is F-d up and that so many things are going in a very wrong direction. We know that species are going extinct at an alarming rate, that we’re reaching atmospheric tipping points in places all over the world, that greed and mindless consumer habits have created a system where we care more about money and fame than life and health. We know this — I know that you know this — so how do we stay inside this awareness and still find hope to make a change?
Well, that is for another post! But in the meantime, I recommend checking out my article on How Activism Fuels Happiness Hormones for tips on how to address everyday climate activism that sparks optimism, health, happiness, and hope! And for now, remember that awareness hurts and that’s OK, and that you don’t have to hold on to the fear, pain, or anger to make a difference. If you need tools for releasing, check out my free resource below!
Are you dealing with climate anxiety? Is it getting harder and harder to stay aware and not lose it?
Here’s a free resource for healing journaling that I created with journaling prompts that have helped me deal with awareness and climate anxiety. Putting pen to paper and expressing in words how you feel is a powerful way to get in tune with your emotions and a first step in releasing those emotions so you can begin to heal.
Click below to access the journaling guide for free!
Happened last week in NYC
What could the future of New York City look like? No actually — what could ANY city in the future look like?
That is a topic that gets me going more than anything else lately and that I find to be so fascinating to talk about. Not only because there’s a lot of urgently needed work to be done there (numbers show that by 2050, two-thirds of the global population will live in cities, and right now, cities are responsible for 80% of all greenhouse gases) but also because there are so many exciting opportunities in rethinking the city of tomorrow.
Last week I had the absolute honor to discuss this on stage with the legendary Pierre-André de Chalendar, President of Saint-Gobain and author of the book The Urban Challenge - Reviving the Desire to Live in The City, at the Translatlantic Leader’s Forum in NYC.
We talked about what envisioning a new future can look like, the urban challenges of today, as well as how to come together as stakeholders across the value chain to pave the path for a city that’s not only sustainable and carbon-neutral but a safe and healthy place for people to live.
The conference was for attendees only but I will be releasing an interview with the current CEO of Saint-Gobain, Benoit Bazin, on Hey Change Podcast early in the new year. Stay tuned!