Asking For What You Need is An Act of Love
+ The ABCs of Nature Dating
Last night was absolutely glorious. I had asked my husband if I could please take one night off our daughter’s bedtime routine and go on a sunset hike. It had been so long since I’d been on one and I could feel how both my body and soul were screaming for a couple of hours in the woods. Since much of our time goes to his golfing, he couldn’t but say yes.
However, right before I was about to leave, my mother-in-law, who we’re staying with for a short time, offered to help out so that both of us could go.
“Oh,” I said, “let me talk to him.”
I found Arthur in the backyard and shared the option to come if he wanted to.
“Do you really want me to come?” He asked me bluntly.
“Not really,” I replied, pure honesty.
“I didn’t think so, you go!”
Our entire relationship is built on our joint understanding and respect for each other’s alone time. We both know how important it is for our wellbeing and hence also the happiness of our family. It’s a boundary we set up a long time ago and one we try to keep.
When I minutes later walked in silence up the forest trail, as the sun peaked through the spring-green leaves, I thanked myself for my courage to speak up for what I wanted. I knew I needed this time for myself and in being honest about it, he knew it too.
Speaking up for what we want and asking for support is not being selfish, it’s an act of love.
If we feel whole, grounded, and supported, we can give so much more than we ever could if we felt broken or stretched too thin. A mother’s love can heal all things, they say, but a mother’s love can only be as strong as she allows that love to come to her and through her.
Maximizing, not Minimizing
One of the key messages in my climate optimism teachings (learn more) is the importance of maximizing our positive footprint instead of getting caught in minimizing our negative ones. The whole concept of calculating our carbon footprint, and then feeling bad about every small action we take that adds to that balance, was created by BP as a way to put the blame (and shame) on us consumers. Why? Because it makes us feel smaller, less empowered, and ultimately less willing to take BIG meaningful actions (like ending the fossil fuel era.)
Suppose we instead recognize that yes, we should of course minimize our polluting activities as much as we can, but what we really ought to be doing is focusing on finding ways to make a positive impact in a big, meaningful way.
That could look like getting involved with local politics, introducing new bills, educating the community around you on things you know, or investing your time in various projects that can help regenerate our planet, not just eliminate the damage that’s been done.
When you make this narrative shift, you soon find yourself in the center of focus. And the second you put two and two together and see that to make this world a better place, you must seek to be the best versions you can be, things start to fall into place.
You won’t feel selfish for asking for the time and support you need, it’s simply a means of staying grounded, committed, and focused. To the world, asking for help to build and fill yourself is an act of service. It’s an act of love.
I know we’re not brought up to think this way. We’re used to the idea that to be a good citizen is to be independent and strong and to always be there for everyone else. Well, we have to be there for ourselves too, or we won’t be able to maximize our superpowers the way Earth needs us to. Besides, you will be a much better parent if you know how to set boundaries and ask for help, and a much better employee if you’re honest with your needs and limitations.
It can be scary to set a boundary, and it can feel awkward to ask for what you need, but with a little practice you’ll get better, and the results that follow will be bountiful in one both meaning and blessings. You’ll be a happier person and everyone around you too!
The ABCs of Nature Dating
Pick a spot in nature to visit, preferably somewhere peaceful and serene.
Visit alone (if you can) or if you bring others, invite them to the concept of nature dating with you.
Avoid listening to music, a podcast, or calling a friend. If you’re in the company of others, try to keep conversations to a minimum. The idea of the nature date is to walk quietly and tune in.
I like to bring something to make the date extra special, like a treat, some coffee, and a journal for writing down thoughts. My most insightful ideas always come to me on these dates!
Touch and talk to nature. Hugging trees, stroking moss, or other ways of physical connection can have the most healing effects.
Breathe in deep and smile. Feel your spirit come back to your body. You are nature, nature are you, together you’re whole!